Regardless, it seems to be having the same effect on me.
Here I am again.
It's been twelve years and you have the same impact on me in every way. Actually, I think it's worse this time.
I.Am.Terrified.
I love you. Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. I can't believe for a moment of my life I ever believed there was anyone else I could ever have loved besides you. It's such a strange feeling. All this time has passed, and even that day that we spent in the garden, having lunch, I thought, whew! I am totally safe. I have no feelings but friendship for this man. Well, friendship and security with him. But from somewhere when I realized that if there was even the tiniest chance that you might still love me, I absolutely had to let you know how much I absolutely still loved you. And now like some deranged I don't know what I pour everything out constantly, completely unable to control a thing I say to you. I place this on a public forum rather than say it TO YOU, because it seems like a better idea. It hurt so much not to have you as mine last time. Your words say so much more this time. I want to believe them. I hope so much those words are as safe as your arms.
Too much wine. Too much to say. Time. 06.17.11 2354
